Sariya's Soapbox

New Slamarillo Website

2008-10-28T20:10:25Z

That's right people! SLAMarillo has a new website with Forums, Video Page, Photo Page, a link to the Slamarillo Blog, and MUCH more!

Check it out!

NEW SLAMARILLO WEBSITE

2008 Brave New Voices poetry slam Festival

2008-10-28T19:18:00Z

Nationals was AMAZING!!!!!!

Back in July, I went to Washington DC with three teammates [Ethan, Joseph, and Devin] and a wonderful coach [Jenna] to the Youth National Poetry Slam! It was one of the most amazing experiences in my life.

There are two videos of my team on the official YouthSpeaks website.
Here: <http://www.youthspeaks.org/BNVFESTIVAL.html> in the 'videos' tab. There's one of me solo and one of the boy's team piece, both on the front page of videos. Mine is labeled "TX" and Theirs is labeled "Amarillo, TX".
But it's easier to see the copies on youtube, links above.

We did not make it to semifinals, but given that our first bout was up against New York, Chicago, Madison, and Manchester, England... that isn't surprising :P But it didn't really matter., You can't tell from the videos because they are from the second bout which was a much smaller, more intimate stage/setting, but in our first bout, we were on the most amazing stage I have ever seen in my life! OMG! We were in the Atlas Center for Performing Arts. No Amarillo stage compares! I first performed in front of a 250+ person audience of cheering supporting poets and fans. It was probably the most gratifying thing in my life so far.

In my first bout I went up first. I did my Addiction piece "Personified Denial". A teammate of mine was backstage waiting for me. When I finished, I turned around, walked off stage and ran to hug him. We were jumping up and down with excitement; he said "Where did that come from??!! I have never seen you perform like that in my life!!!" It was GREAT!!! I got good scores, too!

Devin and I closed out the Bout with our team piece of awesomeness called "Looking for tomorrow" to an amazing response. That poem was taken by one of my poems we had he contribute to it and we created choreography and split up the lines to make it ours.

That day after lunch, we waited for the other bouts to finish before we were on and we took the time to practice and try to put our nerves on ice. I was nervous like crazy because my upcoming piece runs long and is really difficult to perform, but it was our team's strongest piece, so I had to do it. (This is the poem in the video linked above.) We were up against New Orleans, Leeds England, And others that I can't remember.
The leader of the New Orleans team is none other than Sunni Patterson, a poet of whom I am a HUGE fan (video of her here) She was THERE! It was the most amazing thing, getting to perform for Sunni Patterson. After the show, every one was mulling about talking with people, congratulating people, etc. and Sunni came up to me, took my hands in hers, and quoted a line from my poem back to me: "You've got holocausts in your fingertips? Wow, girl. Thank you, thank you for that. You were amazing!" I was like: "Oh my god... don't melt!" I was in such awe of her. 'Twas amazing.
That one got a standing ovation --including the teams against whom we were competing! and Three 10s!

We were staying at the George Washington University dorms. Which rocked. We never got in before 3am, hahaha.
We were always with each other, or off on our own, walking about, exploring DC. We ate at an Indian restaurant where we all got Lamb kabobs (delicious!!!!) and we ate at an Ethipian restaurant (which Ethan was almost falling over himself to get to because he's the world's biggest fan of Rastafari). The food there was also amazing. So filling, too. If you've never had Ethiopian food, it all comes on one big platter, the meat you ordered in the middle and all around the edges of the plate are sauces, meats, veggies, etc. to dip the meat in. You eat it with your hands: there is this bread that it comes with, a thin, moist, sponge-like bread (that fills you up in, like, 5 minutes!) You tear off a piece of the bread, put it in your fingers and scoop the food with it. (I am getting hungry just thinking about it!) hahaha

Things I did that were totally new on this trip:
Indian food, eat lamb, Ethipian Food, Airplane, Train, Subway (all forms of transportation in 8 hours lol. The subway was awesome!!!) etc. etc.etc.
TWAS AWESOME!

We also got to got sight seeing, see all the monuments and museums. Ethan got his dream when he encountered a Rastafari exhibit at the Smithsonian! Hahaha

The other big this that happened was the rear-Riot / BNV protest!
OMG!
During Finals, in the Lincoln Theatre, the poets' disdain for the HBO cameramen came to a head. Basically all week (and even longer for some of the tams the camera people had been following...) there was a snowball effect: At first we liked HBO being there, then it was a little annoying, then we wanted to punch them all in the faces.... something like that.

The documentary crew was restaging things, suggesting things, not just documenting.

Ugh.

So on finals night, there were five teams on stage. Philadelphia went on stage with all 6 team members holding hands (which you are only allowed to have 4 on stage at a time) They said that they hadn't been acting like a team, too concerned with scores, not the poetry, and too worried with the imposing camera crew in their faces since March. So they said they were disqualifying themselves and going to do the poems that meant the most to them, screw the scores. :D
It was AMAZING!
In the last round, New york did the same thing, bringing the whole team, friends, family, etc. on stage so that a friend with MS (whose disability prevented her from performing) could do a poem. :)

At the end, all five teams were on stage in a huge mass, mosh-pit style and before the host/MC could
announce the winner, a stage director from HBO GOES ONSTAGE!!! and starts trying to get the poets to separate into their teams. This was the "Oh, hell no!" moment. The poets grabbed a mic, telling the guy to get off stage, basically starting this little riot! There was chanting "Fuck HBO! One mic-one team! No winners, no losers!" Etc. It was us vs. corporate America and we so totally won. It was hilarious to watch the HBO camera people rushing about trying to get instructions!!!
Eventually they gave up, Hawaii would have won, we think, but it didn't matter, in the end, we were all just one big 400 poet team, no winners, no losers!
WOW!
It really in indescribable; You HAD TO BE THERE!!!!! AH! OMG!

btw: one of the judges was none other than poet Sonia Sanchez. Look her up. She's important, and SUCH a spirit!

I got to meet Ishle Yi Park, Chinaka Hodge, Beau Sia, Ise Lyfe, and more.
WOW it was such an experience. The whole trip, I had NO concept of time, haha. I would feel like there were three days packed into one.

PS: I got to protest with poetry behind the White House in a poets' "This is where I've been left behind" rally. First ever Brave New Voices political protest.
PPS: I was a 1st annual "Individual slam" FINALIST! ;D

New Poem: "Monochrome"

2008-10-28T18:33:25Z

[video soon to come]

Monochrome

(“A Brilliant Shade of Gray”)

I dream in black and white

Force myself to sleep away the daylight to avoid the walls that would cage me

The voices would enrage me

The men that would rape me

The lovers that would hate me

In bed, I lie. Open my eyes; see the sun

Tell myself not to move until night has won

After dusk, I can go

Tell myself the sky is the best mirror I know:

It’s dark, but it’s pure

A midnight sky is thick-skinned, knows how to endure,

Resilient and never

dirty.

Unlike the stained panes of glass that grace my walls

I’ve never seen my whole face through the grime

I stare into his bathroom mirror and see a face aged years past her crime

Crying

Quietly

Avoiding prying eyes and spying ears

Hope to God he doesn’t hear

Hope to God the grace of laughter

Fake my way through the morning after.

Silently, I stand,

Mirror in hand, while I debate the ways to play the passing time

Debate ways to break habits of truth or dare

Stop whoring out my regrets for pity and prayer

[I don’t want your sympathy

Just for you to understand my pathology]

But we both know

I’ll just end up walking out your door before any words can be spoken

Just like every other time before

I sleep in your arms

Hoping it’ll be different this time

I sleep in your arms

Hoping this time… I’ll stay

I sleep in your arms

But still…

I dream in black and white

Calling out to monochrome men caught like deer in the headlights

I want to ask you if I’m beautiful

If the sky’s reflecting the right image because more times than not

This feels like borrowed skin

And I’m trying on new clothes in the spun webs

Called the beds

Of first-name-only men

And I keep telling myself,

Darkened by the shadow of spiders,

“Eight legs isn’t enough to catch me.”

Testing fate with self-destruction and

Come-and-get-me taunts

All my lovers should thank the man who thinks he’s entitled to anything he wants

The biggest skeleton in my closet is the only secret wearing a face

I’ll shake his hand

While pulling a trigger

Thanks…Now I’ll never have to be afraid.

But I still won’t look you in the eyes.

I just bee-line for the door

Before you get a chance to tell me that you love me and want more

And I’m faced with the truth

Of what I don’t think I deserve…

“Baby,

What we just did

Is all that I think that I’m worth!”

I keep waiting for my dreams to embrace their colorings

To embolden each breath I breathe

For each step I lead

And each time I refuse to leave

Face my fears and claim a creed

Cry when I bleed

Because you ask me

Why I’m running

Why I think this is okay…

And I can only explain:

“Because,

I don’t want to dream

Of you

In a brilliant shade

Of gray.”

New poem: "Gravedigger"

2008-10-28T06:35:36Z

Video Here

Grave Digger

I don’t want to say you’re still and angel

Because you might ask me to give you back your wings

I don’t have them to give

Just the comfort of a hug

on the off-chance you let me touch you today

I don’t want to say you’re the devil

Because that means, at one time, you had wings

And it’s so much easier to hate you

When I picture you as always being a monster.

No one would believe it had happened to you

You’re too beautiful for pain

Too strong to become a statistic

No one would belive it was you

Because rape still remains

‘strangers

in alleys’

Broadcast on the crime watch of the six o’clock news.

Tell me so I’ll understand

All I want to be is a friend

How many times will you push me away?

I’ll never understand

She wanted to be only a friend

How many times did she push you away?

You have to eat

You have to talk about this

You have to get out of bed

Stop speaking in suicidal riddles

and put those grave thoughts out of your head

There’s more to life than this pain

For the last time: you didn’t do anything wrong

I see you slowly killing yourself

You’ve got to be strong.

See what you’ve done?

Look down

A six-foot deep incision in the ground

Turn around

Let them see what you’ve become

A grave digger for children,

Once, a mother’s son

A hollow-eyed shell

Shell-shocked

Hollow-point bullets spinning in the chamber of your gun,

Once, an artist

Once, a friend

Once, a strong young woman unafraid to meet the gaze of men

I want to tell you

I love you

Put the gun down because we’ll miss you when you’re gone

I want to tell you

I hate you

That your body is a lethal weapon if you use it wrong

This is what you did; look at the monster you created

The human being you destroyed

I’ve never seen eyes so jaded.

I’ve never seen eyes so void.

At ngiht, you never sleep

You think you hide it so well

But I recognize blood-shot eyes

I can always tell

It’s so much easier to see others’ scars

When you have your own to compare them to

And I,

I see my scars on you.

I see her scars on you.

I see one-in-four women’s scars on you.

You,

You’ve been busy

One-in-four women? That’s why at night,

You never sleep.

You’d rather be out on the prowl preying on the weak

I know you’re praying for peace

Praying to breathe

Layering new bruises on top of the old ones on your knees

Rubbing the color off your rosary beads.

Whispering away your guilt

Whispering away your fears

What exactly was it that you whispered in her ears?

She’s tortured with nothing but your voice

She covers her ears and screams for silence

Did you want her to say you were good?

Tell me.

Did you want he to beg?

Tell me.

Did you want her to say your name?

Tell me!

Tell me,

Why won’t you tell me his name.

Famous stages and beauty under spotlights

2008-10-27T04:28:48Z

HELLO ALL! OH, how I've missed you. Here's the latest:

So, at the last poetry slam, "Night of the Living Poet," there was a full house and a full list of poets (we even had to turn one or two away because the performer list was full). Isn't that how it's supposed to be every time? Jeez. Anyway, I beat out 9 great poets for a tied 2nd place (I tied with Thomas), and 1st place went to Daniel. Have I mentioned that I hate the new 'Final round-clean slate' rule? Moving on.
1st round- New poem: Monochrome
2nd round- Personified Denial (to which, someone cried out "yes!" as soon as I said the first line. That was AWESOME! LOL)
Finals- New poem: Gravedigger (Of which...there is a video of me performing "Grave Digger" at the October "Night of the Living Poet" poetry slam HERE, and on the new Slamarillo website.)
It was truly a GREAT night!

Next order of business, I was featured in author Jennifer Archer's Blog. I sent her an email after I went to Brave New Voices poetry slam festival in DC (blog about it here) telling her all about it. She asked if she could blog about it--she seemed intrigued with the concept, so of course I consented. It is a nice blog and I and so thankful for her kindness. She really did her research on the festival! Check it out HERE!

On a few personal notes, I got to attend a pagan wedding with a traditional hand fasting (where the phrase "tying the knot" comes from. It is a tying of cords around the hands of the bride and groom to signify their wedding). It was by far the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I'm so glad I got to help out. I'll post pictures if I get some. She had the prettiest dress I have ever seen in my life. It was so utterly BEAUTIFUL! Congratulations Brea and Greg!

Educationally, I graduated High School in May 2008. [Wow, has it really been that long since I blogged? God, I'm so lame. :) ] But yes. I have served my time and I am FINISHED! I graduated with a good GPA (not that I cared, I just wanted out of there!) and a scholarship of $2000 to any Texas school! I plan to use it for fun classes at the city's 2 year school since it is less expensive (and honestly, a better school on so many levels than the local University). I couldn't be happier about it!

I am currently looking for a job... unsuccessfully I might add. This not having a driver's license thing really isn't jiving with me. BUT, to pass the time and help out humanity, I have become an Arts Intern at the YMCA. My job is to design educational, arts curriculum for the three age groups (pre-k, k-2, 3-5)--one or two activities for every week of the year. Only slightly a huge job! But I like it. I just don't like waking myself up to catch two buses. haha.
Update (11-11-08)
Hurray! The job search is over! ...now I'm just searching for better jobs! lol I work at a toy store and an ice cream place. The ice cream job is fabulous because I basically get paid to sit there and read! Isn't that awesome? The toy store job.... well, I haven't even started it and I already want to quit. It makes me all Bleh inside. WAH! lol. Oh well... at least have an AMAZING mall discount now to a lot of stores! teehee

I went to my first Harvestfest at the local Unitarian Universalist church. (I <3 UU!) I bought some amazing stuff (paper-painted earrings and a handmade maroon skarf/shawl) but the coolest thing I did was undoubtedly the Akashic Record reading. For those who don't know, your Akashic Record is literally a record kept by Record Keepers (think spirit guides/guardian angels that record your existence instead of guide you) that is in your energy field/Aura. It is a record of your entire existence from the spark or your inception at the beginning of time; all thoughts, actions, events, intentions, etc. are recorded and can be 'opened' and 'read' by certain people. I went to a psychic named Yvonne Baca and she opened my Akashic Records and began.
Apparently I have three record keepers; they are very strong; I am one of the oldest spirits she had ever seen (I won't say the number, but I've had more lives than I ever thought possible), most of my lives I died in infancy; a lot of my lives were nomadic (I KNEW IT!); I have a hawk for a spirit animal; I have clairaudient tendencies; most of my lives I've had some form of psychic abilities; my last life was in a non-traditional, nature-based convent in France and it was happy.
She gave me many details and a lot more info, but you get the general gist of it! It was truly a great experience.

Back to the writing side of things.
I got to help the poets Future and One Truth do a poetry workshop for kids at the YMCA when they were in town featuring. It was so much fun and great to be able to help out some young ones.

And, the grand finale...
Probably, the most exiting this I have done in a LONG time... I got to open for the Junkyard Ghost Revival! This is a spoken-word poetry tour featuring Derrick Brown, Anis Mojgani, Buddy Wakefield, and a rotating cast of fourth poets including: Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz, Andrea Gibson, Robbie Q, and Sonya Renee.

We were lucky enough to get Sonya Renee, poet of so many amazing poems! (not to mention she's just plain Pretty!) haha

After running to door... taking admission money, checking IDs, passing out flyers...I stepped up on the stage of The Nat (which has been shared by the likes of Duke Ellington, Jerry Lee Lewis, Dixie Chicks, Buddy Holly, Roy Orbison, and more). I was so nervous. SO NERVOUS. It was a PACKED audience, not to mention I was going to be performing for four world class poets. I approached the mic with the little confidence that Ethan had given me by telling me I'd do fine and he was excited to hear my poem. I totally made people promise to still love me if I choked! hahaha. I did "Monochrome" (hopefully there will be a video soon). I got a fabulous applause and I didn't even mess up once! LOL I was psyched!

I got off stage, returned to my seat (only to meet up with a good friend and former roommate who had made it JUST in time to see my poem). Then three of the Slamarillo team went up and did their Kick-Ass Darfur piece, then Ethan did "Framework" (wow, I love that poem so much), and lastly Miss Lindsay London did a poem.

It was an amazing, life-changing show, and I can't wait to see if they come again next year!!!

They all signed my Hoodie! It's amazing. Also, I got to sit a reserved Poets' Table. I felt like such a VIP, lol. And afterward, we had a crazy fun dance party!

Raul, Jenna, Daniel opening on the awesome NAT stage

Sonya Renee spitting poetry amongst the crowd

Buddy Wakefield being poetic awesome.

Anis Mojgani in his smexy red beanie

Awww, the poets are so sleepy.

L to R: Anis, Buddy, Sonya, me. (Sans Derrick; he was busy making hotel reservations. haha)
I <3 this picture.

Goodnight and Goodluck, all,

Sariya.

Macbeth

2008-06-30T18:46:32Z

UPDATE:
Macbeth went AMAZINGLY! It was probably the happiest I was all summer. Not to mention, I got to meet a myriad of amazing people! Oh, god: the memories! Crazy parties... no one parties quite like actors. :)
Plus, closing night, we went to another local theatre ("Avenue 10") to see their production of "The Complete Works of Shakespeare...ABRIDGED" which was quite possibly the funniest show I have ever seen!

Just to let you all know, the venue which provides space for our poetry slams is again putting on its annual "Shakespeare in the Park" festival. This year, we will be doing MACBETH, and I will be a part of it.

Yay!

I will be playing Seyton, a servant to Macbeth, and also other characters such as a soldier, Queen's attendant, Lennox's Lady, etc. :)

Poem: Hitchhiking

2008-06-17T16:25:59Z

Hitchhiking

Hitchhiking this highway I’ve named my own
Thumb out
Head up
Feet in the perpetual motion that physicists called impossible
Accompanied with age-old promises written on rolling papers and a charcoal pen
And a backpack full of ironed-and-folded dreams
Busting at the seams
And straps always pointed toward home
I catch a ride with a stranger I’ve named fate—
He tells me of a life—
Eyes reflecting highway stars disguised as brake lights—
His life
A story so close to mine, I could taste the ink from his diary pages with each word
I saw his past in my memories
And caught his stare in my mirror as I dabbed chap stick onto wind chapped lips
While pretending to just pretend to listen

He tells me of travels and trials and the miles under his tires
Marking each truck stop and 7/11 away from home.
He tells me of roots
And the importance of always knowing where yours are;
He says: “keep you past in your rear-view mirror’s horizon;
Close enough to see and seek should the need ever arise,
But far enough behind, you can imagine it’s not
Following you.”
He says: “sleep with roaches when you must because
At least
They will scare away the spiders that would aim to kill you as you dream.”
He tells me to never forget my place in this life,
Because my spit-out sunflower seeds
Are the rice grains at someone else’s wedding feet,
So never forget the cycles, never forget the connections.
He tells me that we are not our father’s children.
He says: “rifle shells and wedding bells were both cast from the same metal—
Never forget the beauty
Or the destruction
That one element can make;
Remember that when you choose your way on a forked path.
He tells me: “it’s better to go a day without food
Than a day without a dream
So find a beach
Kind enough to sing you sweetly to sleep with
Serenade waves
As you crash like surf on the sand
And hope
It’ll wash a meal on shore for you
In exchange for your
Sleeping inhale-exhale melody.
He says: “the light of day will guide your way
Even if it has to travel 93 million miles,
Reflect off the moon and back
To earth, just to light this night-time drifter’s path.
He told me to start and end each day with a laugh,
Because nothing
In your day can’t be fixed with the sight of a freedom-filled night.
He looks at me and tells me:
“Beauty
Is nothing but perceptions
So aim with both eyes open
And you’ll wonder why you ever blinked.”
He tells me: “it’s better to go a lifetime without air
Than a day without a dream—
So keep your heart out
Head up
And your eyes to the sky
Because the clouds will provide the visions you need to survive.
Keep looking up—a head in the clouds’ not as bad as they say
Throw away your zig-zag promises
And learn to write new ones on the middle of maps.

And leaves me in the night
At the curb of a fluorescent-neon box of a truck stop,
Leaving a red carpet of tail-light stars and
Tire-track scars on the asphalt
Leaving me to believe that scars can only better us
By reminding us what left a mark on our lives.
Lessons that deep weren’t meant to fade fast
Like vapor trails chasing stars or
Night-shroud clouds illuminating gray.
He had told me if I keep moving my feet
I’ll never run out of new things to see
And new clouds to chase
And I can still feel his voice as tangible as the wind on my face
And as new as my knowledge that the ocean waves sing

He’d told me:
You’ve got to feel the gravel beneath your shoes
To feel the wind beneath your wings.

Poem: 'Personified Denial'

2008-04-27T18:02:14Z

They say admitting you have a problem is the first step
if that's true, then you are still standing at the door, because you haven't even gone outside yet

I've almost forgotten your name
I want to introduce you as 'Personified Denial'
We can see the needles gleaming in your smile
Your unpredictable behavior
leaves us walking on the edge of a razor
You go from catatonic to supersonic
And you say this is just the way you wanna live your life
But you don't understand
This isn't a way to live
this is a way to die

Are you watching?
Are you paying any sort of attention
beyond the reflective glass--gloss staring back
Paint the vertical mirrors black
to keep yourself out of your own vision
But you never listen
we try to explain away hallucinations as the drug's inventions
It's beyond comprehension the descent
you've fallen into to repent
for past mistakes.

Snort your forgiveness
shoot up to forget
There aren't enough dirty needles in this world
to stab away your regret

Which hurts more
when you wretch with withdrawal on the floor
or when you see your reflection losing a war
'Cause that's all I can see
I see through your excuses
your rationalizations
I see beyond labels of 'habit'
and 'addict'
and 'self-medication'
All I see
is a person who'd rather claw out his eyes
than see himself for what he is
without a white powder disguise.

You can pretend you're dead
try your hardest with each hit to make it true
but I look
and I swear
deep inside
I can still see a part of you

You're killing the people you thought you betrayed
The ones who love you
The ones you thought you could save
from your mistakes by killing yourself with each hit of momentary bliss
But I know you
the walking contradition that you are
I've never seen someone try so hard to die
who's eyes scream nothing more than the will to be alive

Tell me again you don't have a problem!

I haven't seen you eat in a week
last Tuesday I found you
cradling your knees
unable to speak
unable to breathe
shaking with need
Is this how fast your life is on speed?

Coming down is too hard for you to take
too hard for me to take
watching you suffer and shake
and you'd still never admit a problem existed
so I have to watch you wither away
still unable to say
"I'm addicted."

I know, I know. I haven't updated in forever! BUT it is because I have been living my life haha. So, basically, I will update soon with copious amounts of blah blah blah about teh Amarillo Slam world. :)
love always.

Only a year and a half's worth of work to get me here.

2008-03-19T06:44:43Z

Let's see here. What has been going on recently?
Well, I have a head-cold-type thing, so I've been popping Benadryl, Vitamin C, and Echinacea like House takes Vicodin. But I'll get better. It sucks, though, because I sporadically lose my voice and I cannot sing with this cold. It's quite disappointing.
It is now officially the start of spring break and I could not be happier. I need a break! It could not have come soon enough. With Roller Coaster Project, Marble Project, College Project, Outside Reading Project... I think I might just go insane.
Speaking of insane, I had a dream recently that was quite haunting in the way that odd dreams linger.

I was in a high school that I've never seen before, but I apparently attended it. Well, we were in class and I noticed that there was a man with a gun in the hall way... don't ask me how. Perhaps I looked out?
Well, I was freaking out and as the man went into another classroom or something, I made everyone in my class file out of the school so as not to, you know, die.
So, I began running around the perimeter of the school. In dreams, I always have problems running, like, I can't run fast at all, like I'm running through water, quicksand, or a force... Always. How messed up is that?
Anyways, so I was running to get to the other side of the school where the office was. I did. There was a sheriff's car and I got her to radio in for help that there was an armed man in the school. She began giving a description of the guy and I just snatched the radio away and said "Hello? This is (my name), AHS student. The shooter looks just like the Virginia Tech shooter"
Which, actually? The man in my dream looked nothing like the VT shooter, but facts and memories are relative in dreams lol.
So, then, I run into the office... which actually seemed to double as an FBI office... But whatever. And I was making them get all this surveillance going.
It was so flippin' weird.

Then, I was back in the classroom again, just like before but I was trying to trick the shooter so I could get away... Like he was chasing me or something. Which, I re-emphasize the fact that my dreams don't let me run.

Then there was this whole weird sequence of scenes that I can't remember well because they were so odd.
Something about... it was night time and I had a flashlight. I was looking for a certain backpack of mine that I had tucked away outside...
(It made sense in the dream, hush.)
And the surveillance people were telling me how they couldn't pick up this shooter guy on any of the videos.
And I continued the search for the bag. Then, I shone my light where it was supposed to be--but there were two. (Yeah, I don't remember how, but the bag thing really did make crucial sense at the time!)
It was something about this that triggered in me a sort of mental break. It became clear that I might have to come to terms with some form of insanity.
I began to ask myself if I had been completely hallucinating about the shooter.

Here are some interpretations of key things in my dream from dreammoods.com:

Night
To have a dream that takes place at night, represents some major setbacks and obstacles in achieving your goals. There are some issues in your life that you are facing that are not too clear. You should put the issues aside so you can clear your head before coming back to it. Alternatively, night may be synonymous with death, rebirth and new beginnings.
Flashlight
To see a flashlight in your dream, suggests that you are questioning certain issues about yourself. You may be trying to shed light on your deeper thoughts and/or unconscious feelings. It symbolizes sudden awareness, insight, and the ability to find your way in a situation. Alternatively, the flashlight may imply sexual activities?
Bag
To see a bag in your dream, represents the responsibilities that you carry.
Gun
To see a gun in your dream , symbolizes aggression, anger, and potential danger. You may be dealing with issues of passiveness/aggressiveness and authority/dependence. Alternatively, a gun can represent the penis and male sexual drive. Thus the gun may mean power and impotence.
To dream that someone is shooting you with a gun, suggests that you are experiencing some confrontation in your waking life. You may feel victimized in some situation.
Classroom
To dream that you are in a classroom, symbolizes that you may be learning an important life lesson.
High School
To dream about high school, refers to the bounds and friendships that you made while you were in high school. What spiritual lessons have you learned? The dream may also be telling you that you need to start preparing for the real world.
To dream that you have to repeat high school, suggests that you are doubting your accomplishments and the goals that you have already completed. You feel that you may not be measuring up to the expectation of others. The dream may occur because some recent situation may have awakened old anxieties and insecurities.
Two
Two stands for balance, diversity, partnership, soul, or receptivity. It can also symbolize double weakness or double strength. There is a duality as in male and female, mother and father, yin and yang, etc.
Disappear
To dream that people or objects are disappearing right before your eyes, signifies your anxiety and insecurities over the notion that loved ones might disappear out of your life. You may feel that you cannot depend on someone and feel that you are alone and inadequate. You need to work on your self-image and self-esteem.
Insanity
To dream that you or someone is insane, represents your retreat from reality. You have difficulties in telling what is right and wrong.

I really woke up in one of those "Double-U Tee Eff?!" moods.

OK! Next subject:
I'm really excited. It is almost my friend Karlianna's (the 28th), my friend Jessica's (the 20th), and My (the 20th) birthdays! I have no clue what to get them, either. I've always been so bad with gifts. The funny and ironic thing is, now, we'll be able to legally get into R movies... (which I've been doing since I was about 10) and there are NO good ones showing. None. It's crazy, and oh, so fitting.

My mother told me recently: "You're a week away from being seventeen and you're already so jaded." she told me I have this double-life thing, where I have this deep understanding of humans even though I would never dream of being a part of it.
That really is one of those things you get told that just makes you stop and think...

Movies I have seen recently: Mysterious Skin and Hard Candy. (I would recommend them to anyone who is not squeamish around sensitive subjects like pedophilia and crude/violent scenes and dialog. They are both very powerful, emotional movies.)

ALRIGHT PEOPLE!
Last Friday there was the Teen Grand Slam to determine the team of 6 to take to Washington DC for the international competition this July.

I was unprepared like crazy. The previously mentioned school stress had me preoccupied the entire week and a half I was given to prepare. I showed up at the slam with one poem memorized (coincidentally) and I intended to do that first round. Then what did I plan to perform after that? I had no earthly idea. I brought my poetry binder to look through... although my friends spent more time looking at it than I did. :P
I was so nervous. What if I completely bombed a poem and didn't make the team?? I kept getting told that I had nothing to worry about. But that doesn't make you stop worrying!

My friends AKA cheering section showed up one by one. They consisted of: Karlianna, Zack, Karen, Joe-Jo, and Jessica.
They were determined to be the loudest cheering section even though they were not the biggest. That claim went to Joseph's family who all showed up to support.
My friends were all so sweet! They held my hands and hugged and comforted me so I would cool my nerves that were on overdrive.

    ROUND ONE
Order was drawn, and I was quite lucky. I was in the last half of the 8 competitors. I went after Joseph which was a talented act to follow. But, then again, all the poets were good. I competed with Sister (from memory, but I had to pause and think once) and recieved good scored. As usual, I got a fantastic audience response with the "rain" line. Ethan got amazing scored, but a time penalty knocked him down many places.

    ROUND TWO
All poets moved on to the next round. The order was by highest scoring poet to lowest. I--much to my surprise--went first. I performed a timed-edited version of a poem called Black Sheep. A poem that I have never edited, performed, memorized, practiced... ANYTHING. But I took the page up to the podium and performed it to the best of my abilities.
When I got to the line:
"I do not share your passions for fashions and trends or
Sunday morning popularity contests marketed under the masks of the true Holy trinity
also known as the three 'C's:
Conservatism,
Conformity, and
Capital."
I got a great, controversial response from the crowd, but it was NOTHING compared to what I got for this line:
"...The roots are in our legacies--
The bequeathed truths which we carry like crosses
only some are on our back for crucifixion
and others on your neck for a hypocritical asphyxiation."
It was fantastic!
(Ha ha. There was a lust poem written that ended up being a cheeseburger.
It was made of win.)
When intermission was called, Jessica got up, semi-attacked me and gave me the most hilarious analogy I have ever heard: "George (our valedictorian) told me that he was worried about bombing the Vocabulary test. I told him 'If I bombed tests like you bomb tests... I would never study again!' Well, If I could do impromptu poetry like you just did, I would never write anything ever again!" Mockingly: "I've never done this before... but I am going to dazzle you with my impromptu poetic skills!"
Nice, Jessica. Still Smiling!!!
    ROUND THREE
The top three poets were up! First Thomas, then Colton, then Me.
I did an old poem, that I haven't performed in a year, called Change. It is kind of a sad poem; it can be quite thought provoking.

So, after a few minutes of waiting for scores to be calculated, Joseph and Thomas went up and did another poem each. Jenna came back to the stage and told us how close it was... The margin between first and second place was .1 point. OUCH!
Sixth Place: Devin (a new girl)
Fifth Place: Ethan
Fourth Place: Joseph
Third Place: Me
Second Place: Colton
First Place: Thomas (who read a final poem and claimed that this was simply justice for me beating him last time.)

The top three poets received prizes consisting of Best Buy gift cards and t-shirts of our venue, the Epicenter (which graciously gave us the space for free, saving the fledgling team $150.00)

After the slam, and after being slightly attacked by all by friends in a group-tackle that they claimed as a hug, we all got in cars and sped off to Sonic where I ordered a breakfast burrito a vanilla malt.
All three cars parked beside each other in the drive through... painfully aware that a sheriff was watching our every move like the neighborhood peeping-Tom. But, we dutifully ignored him and had our fun, jumping from car-to-car, flying into laps, locking others out, climbing on and through sky-roofs to torment the friends within... and in all this screaming and running, we finally got the headlight-flash and "chill out or You'll get kicked out" threat we'd been awaiting. Well... Joe-Jo received it. So we just yelled at each other through car windows, listening to rock (Jessica, Karlianna, Zack, and My car) or techno (Karen and Joe-Jo's car).
At about 10:50, we finally got our food and we drove off to Karen's house where we ate, talked, and played around. I saw Karen's sister, Aileen--whom I had tutored for a few months. She said she thought she did well on the TAKS test for which she had been preparing for months. *crossed-fingers.* Karen's dad told me congratulations and at around 11:30 or Midnight, we left Karen's place and went our separate ways.

So, anyway, My birthday is tomorrow. I'm very excited. I am having a small party at a coffee and hookah bar. W00t. AND I am enjoying being Team Leader of a Poetry Slam team headed for Youth Nats. WooHoo.

Very happy. :)

Good night, love.

Book Recommendation: The Da Vinci Code. Yeah, ,I know I just recommended the movie not too long ago, but after getting a little pay-with-free-books-for-cleaning gig at a local historic bookstore, I noticed a copy of this book on the floor and picked it up. I just finished it and Oh My God! That was amazing. I have been so busy lately with school and whatnot that I have abandoned my past read-a-thousand-books-a-week lifestyle and I haven't read in a while. I am truly glad that I chose THIS book to get back into my reading habits!
Next book to read, another by Dan Brown called Angels and Demons; I'll be sure to let you know what I think!

Chocolate and Cheetohs and yet another overdue slam update

2008-03-05T23:35:17Z

Hello All!

I did not have to go to classes today, so basically, I laid in bed all day (eating nothing but chocolate and cheetohs. Yep folks, that's how I do it. You, too can have this "poet body" for only 5 dollars at your local Wal Mart!) on the computer--which was extremely difficult because I have to charge the laptop of doom...I mean Gateway... with my right hand and type with my left hand--which adds to the difficulty of the situation because I am right-handed. My laptop is on the fritz. My power cord broke, now it only charges the battery if I manually hold the plug in the computer just the right way. It's a lot harder than it sounds.
I bought a new cord off of ebay, but it probably won't get here for a week. Ugh. AND there is no guarantee that it's compatible, but it was $30.00 compared to a LOT more if I bought it in a store.

In other news, Tuesday was my last day as a tutor. Too bad, too. It was a great job. Now I need another.

Random question of the day: Is poeticism a word? Because I sure use it a lot.... Hm....

And now, as promised, here is the "overdue slam update."

Saturday, February 23, 2008

About 2 months ago, a friend instant messaged me and told me I had to get second place in the next two slams in order to get enough points to qualify for the Grand Slam. I scoffed. I found that highly unlikely because I've been having a hard time placing in the finals lately.
Well, tonight, I got the pleasure of calling him and telling him I actually did it.
I am really excited.
Tonight was the last poetry slam before the Grand Slam, so I had to give it my all.
I walked to the theatre--getting a few cat-calls on the way... which was odd.-- listening to music the whole way. As I arrived, I saw that almost no one was there. I guess since our most popular poets already had too many points to compete, their following didn't follow. A tiny audience, a tiny competition, but it was slam-worthy nonetheless.
I had about an hour before the slam was to start, so I paced up and down the parking lot for that time back and forth, back and forth, memorizing my newly written poem, 'Sister'. I didn't think I could do it, but I figured, either way, a little practice could not hurt. A few more people showed, though, not many. Quite disappointing.
The slam was about to commence.
Daniel and Ethan, to make up for the lack of competition I suppose were co-features in a way. They performed back and forth, tag-team style, for about three poems each.
During this, my sophomore English teacher came in (I invited her), along with two other teachers from local schools. They were chosen to be judges, which, honestly Iiked. I like it when intelligent, well-read, poetry-loving people are chosen to be judges, when ignorant people are judging... nothing good comes of it...considering that it is a literary battle.
Order was drawn and I was up 2nd and performed my newest poem, 'Sister,' by memory to a raving audience! There was a particular response to the "When it rains..." line. It's my favorite line.
There was a person competing that had never done so before. He did a humorous poem about calling 911.
Because there were so few people, we all progressed to the second round. I went second again and performed Satin Sheets... but not so great. I got flustered and left out a whole stanza, but I didn't let anyone know. I smoothly went over it and transitioned into the next one. Heh Heh. It happens.
I learned that after the second round, I was beating the person beneath me by .1 points. .1! (Sitting next to the score keeper is beneficial at times...)
So, third round came around and I chose "Something More," a poem that, though I like it and it's good, I haven't done in a while because it usually doesn't score well... I don't know why. Maybe because it is really literary in parts? Well, I chose it because A) I did not have any other viable choices and I certainly didn't want to do "Understand" again... (it's good and people like it... but I have done it at the past three slams). and B) It is more verbose and I thought a group of English teachers might appreciate it.
Because I hadn't practiced in an months, I realized about halfway through that I only remembered half of it. Damn, I was having a tough time with memorization tonight! But I had the paper with me and I took a few seconds to find my place and I resumed. Just a small bump in the road. It was still a good performance, I thought.
All through the night I had solid 8s and 9s.
It came time for the results.
"In third place..."
Don't be me! Don't be me!
"Thomas!"
Which means.... That I made SECOND PLACE!
I heart second place.
And first place went to Lost Prophet 3rd Eye, a great MC-style poet, and I was so happy to see him win.
I had such a great time and I can't wait for the Grand Slam on the 29th.

In more personal news, my Birthday is on March 20th! woo hoo! I'm happy about it; it just came up on me so fast! 15 days!

And now, for some Recommendations:

Book Recommendation: The Kite Runner by: Khaled Hosseini.
Normally, I stay far, far away from 'Fad' books (like Harry Potter... even though I eventually became obsessed with it... but that is beside the point). I had no intention of reading this book, but I did, at the urging of my friend, Jessica. I was worried about the time it would take to read it--because my schedule is so packed lately. I told her, 'It's just so long! I won't have time'. She replied with 'I read it in about 2 days. I couldn't put it down. It is such a fast read. You'll love it.'
So I got it from the library and she was SO right! I could not put it down. I was putting off assignments and writing and so many other things just to have a chance to read it. I read it all in 2 days or so.
This book made me cry with its subtle realities and profound prose. The simplest things in the book were the most hard-hitting. It was uplifted and heart-wrenching and thought-provoking...
A book that cannot be missed.
Also, there was recently a movie released based on the book. I have yet to see it, but I sure want to now!

Movie Recommendation: "The Da Vinci Code" starring Tom Hanks (2006)
Again, a movie and book (by Dan Brown) that I did not want to watch or read because of my anti-fad stances, BUT again, I was proven wrong. Now...I usually like to read the book first --because most of the time the movie butchers it... (cough-cough- All Harry Potter Movies after the second.)-- but I was shown this movie in a Psychology class, so it isn't like I had a choice. By the first 10 minutes, I was hooked. There was amazing philosophy in it... and you all know, I am a philosophy-buff, as well as one who craves new and outside-the-box ideas... things which this movie is FULL OF!
Now I want to read the book! If you haven't seen the movie, DO!
Also-"Lemon Sky" starring Kevin Bacon (1988)
This is a movie based on the play by Langford Wilson, and the movie is basically a set for a play. It is surreal in some parts, and during the first part, I was seriously confused, but something told me to keep watching. It turned out, by the end, to be a work of HAUNTING, CINEMATIC GENIUS. Emphasis on the Haunting. Not in that there was something so horrifying in it, just that is stays with you for days.
I fully recommend Lemon Sky.

Song Recommendation: 'What Do I Have To Do,' 'Shame,' and 'Save Yourself' by Stabbing Westward (or their myspace here).
Why? Because they are packed full of awesome.
Also 'Falling Down' by Atreyu (or their myspace here). It's a new sound for them and it really works!

Food Recommendation: Vanilla Malt from Sonic.
Why? Because I am craving one right now and I want to ~~eat~~ live vicariously through you.

Until Next Time...

New Poem

2008-02-25T00:15:14Z

Conversations To God, a Funeral Director, and a Grave

Memories dance across this stage like ghosts of glass to twinkle in the spotlight.
Then, there's you, dead center, spinning perfect pirouettes in place
placed in front of that red curtain like a doll--
as peaceful as any pine-box painter could promise.
"She'll look like she's sleeping."

But no cosmetics can compose that one-sided smirk
you've been wearing since birth
that taunts us with all the secrets you're keeping.
No glosses or glazes can paint pure sparkle onto glass eyes.
Besides, how could you even paint light?
Try as you might,
she was one of a kind,
so, I ask God why he had her death warrant signed;
she is impossible to replicate,
even if you have her body and soul as a template.

She should have been immortal.
You gave her a halo in her wild blonde hair
shining bright to wear
as a constant reminder that she was
half angel incarnate and
half spun-gold sunlight.

The dressed you in lace
instead of lacing your legs with slippers.
It's hard to dance in heaven wearing black-soled shoes and parlor prayers.

In the lobby, I tell strangers who say they loved you stories they will never comprehend.
Stories like, when it rained, you'd say "Shh, this is my song."
or like when you heard someone
sing a tune in a hum
you'd say, "Someone's calling my name."

On this stage,
you don't have to fight the ghosts for spotlight,
the twinkle is all yours.
There you are,
dead center,
dead sister,
spinning the clumsiest perfect pirouettes
as only
you
could.

Inspired by The Nixons' "Sister" on the album "Foma," which I whole-heartedly recommend to all rock music lovers.

A well earned victory for the newbie team

2008-02-11T00:25:06Z

(Oh, the things a person will do to procrastinate on an assignment...)

Here is a long-over due report of the last poetry slam.

Saturday, January 26th
Tonight was probably the happiest night of my life so far. I cannot stop smiling. I like this feeling.
The slam was tonight.
I went with Karlianna and Jessica. We had a musical guest, Sandbloom. (He was so good!)
Well, I was nervous so I practiced in the lobby over and over. I kept messing up!
When order was drawn, I was picked to go third in the first round. Which is not good--score creep--but at least it isn't first. I performed Satin Sheets. Even though I took the paper up there with me, more as a security blanket than anything, haha, I did not use it. I got a good audience response, but an average of 7 with the scores. But, to be honest, the scoring was generally low that night. A 7 or 8 was the average.
I barely made it into the second round, but I did, much to my surprise.
I went up and performed Understand by memory, probably my best memorized poem. I got the loudest, most amazing audience reaction that I have ever gotten! Especially at the 'It's the mirror that's broken...' part. It was fantastic. I got off stage, beaming, shook a bunch of hands and heard the accolades that I've been waiting so long to hear. "That poem was sick!" "Mad props poet!" And I even got one of the highest scores of the night with one of the judges, a 9.5. (Ira did a great poem comparing poets to zombies. Very appropriate, I thought.)
I was not expecting to move on to the next round. I haven't been to the final round since that one time when there weren't any eliminations, lmao. But much to my surprise (literally, I was dropped-jaw and wide-eyed and everything) the slam master announced the final three: GIP, Lost Prophet 3rd Eye.... and Christen [insert cheers here].
Karlianna and Jessica went crazy! We were so excited. I quickly pulled out my last poem to refresh my memory. When I went up there I became very aware that I actually got to the final round. I was so proud of myself. I knew Slide was not my strongest piece, but I was determined to make it work. The slam master called my name and I approached the mic on the voices of a rowdy crowd.
I was pleased with the fact that the least I could get was 3rd place. I am completely content with third place!
As the scores were being calculated, a little silent argument took place between slam masters. I figured that it was a debate over a penalty or prop. Sure enough, Daniel called the finalists over (and for the first time ever that included me :P ) and explained. It was a possible prop usage. He ended up calling it. Then we all returned to our seats awaiting the results.
I got second PLACE! After the slam was over, so many people told me how confident I looked up there, and I admit, I felt. See? confidence is the key! :P

You know... I am so blessed to have such supportive friends. AND! My poets are always there for me. This little win for me... I mean, I've been working toward it since day one. And I think I've earned it. I think that I respect it more since I've had to work so hard for it. Some people come and win the first time they compete. That's great. Crowd-pleasers are easy to write. I've been writing since I knew how and it's finally paying off. I think people saw how hard I worked for it.
And... I had to endure a barrage of 'I told you so' from my two biggest fans. (Yeah, Yeah.) Thanks guys.

XOXO all you!
Sariya

PS- 'Slide' is an audio track on the SLAMarillo MySpace page.

Music Pick:
Go out and buy the new Seether album entitled Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces; you won't be disappointed.

New Poem: 'Slide'

2007-12-27T18:32:14Z

Update: This poem is being featured as an audio track on the SLAMarillo myspace page for the month of February because of my placing second in the January Slam.

SLIDE
Have you ever felt days slip through your life like zephyrs in spring?
Gliding past you, touching, but never entering your skin.
Just enough to make you cold.
Ever let love slide through your hands like free falling water?
but she always was a river of her own, anyway.
You can feel it fall, but to try to catch it, just makes it splash farther away
So watch it fall
Watch it slip
Watch reflections of yourself
in slow motion
start to lose your grip
You could chase the days you're losing
the loves you're missing
but you'd only catch a downdraft, spinning you dizzy
or crash to the floor.
Watch your lovers live
Watch your life love life
and wonder
what the hell are you waiting for?
Your days are only slipping through your fingers because
you refuse to make a fist around them
Fight for your life
has never been so literal
Because you've gotta fight to own each day
or it's just another sleepless night for you
wondering where your life has gone
where you've gone wrong
When you will find that song
that plays all the right notes
all the right words
because words are all you have
Maybe they'll remind us how to laugh
or even how to cry
like we mean it
Your loves are are only sliding through your hands because
you refuse to embrace them
say 'I love you' or chase them
the choices are yours, just make them
Grab life by the horns
and lovers by the hand
and lead them both
back
into your world.

12/27/2007

Two New Poems-AKA-my prides and joys (plus extras!)

2007-12-04T06:04:58Z

This month, I have written two new poems!
Please read and comment! I hope you enjoy!

Understand

You never understood

You lit up the room like I never could

But I could walk behind you

And pretend I had a glow of my own

What I had to say

Never phased you one way

Or another

And I tried so hard not to act like a mother

But all I wanted to do was take the syringe from your arm,

Empty its chamber,

And reload it with fragments of a shattered mirror

So you could inject your veins

And remember the feeling of feeling

And see the reflections of your soul

Focus on your insides

Instead of trying to bleed them out

I’d throw pencils at you

In exchange for your serrated edge

I’d yell bleed on the page,

And use the razorblade you call a tongue

That you love to jab at me in double-edged jest,

But you forgot the name of your own sense of humor

You refer to yourself way too often as a loser

But here I am

Running

Trying to stay one step ahead of your bipolar outbursts,

Running with the mirror from your closet

To shove it in your face and say “it’s the mirror that’s broken,

Not you”

But you have selective sight

You only see your flaws and

You never see my fight

For you to understand.

Photo of me performing this poem at Final Friday moments after writing it!

_______________________________________________________________

Satin Sheets

You lie naked

On satin sheets of confidence.

Your soul exposed, covered with rising chill bumps

Because we’re still waiting for the heater to kick on.

But by the time it does,

We are too entrapt in the subconscious contest

Of matching each other’s breath

In in-between states of sex and sleep

To notice.

Besides there is never a moment without heat

Between your sheets

Even if your windows draft

The sudden chills just make us laugh

Because shivers

Just heighten sensations on the skin.

The radio on the nightstand sings us songs of

Lovers loving

Lovers fighting

Lovers leaving

Lovers redeeming

And all we can think of

Is the day time dreaming

We are seeming to live

In between bouts and shouts

And declarations of “I love you”…

Because we do.

We always feared saying it aloud

Because we were sure we’d never mean it

And we’d never had believed this

Till we’d seen it.

But here it is:

The present,

A gift for our inner child

More as a consolation for all the wrongs we’ve done to them.

I’m sorry I forgot to forgive

I’m sorry I forgot to believe

I’m sorry I forgot to love

I’m sorry I forgot you.

….Is what we’d say if we spoke ‘purity’

You rise from bed

With a content smile

And a messy head

Walking toward the closet

You pause, it seems

As if you are expecting me

To dress you

In redemption

Clothe you

In forgiveness

For all the stupid things

We’ve both done.

Try, I should.

I know.

Know I’d paint you

With perfection

If I could

But the surface below

The skin can’t be soothed

With clothes

Or caresses

The touches and tresses just end up feeling used.

You stand there

Equal distance from me

And the closet door

Looking at me

As if asking

Can she clothe me in purity?

I look back at you

As if asking

Can he save me from myself?

You answer both our questions

The satin sheets were calling

But you left, to dress yourself.

_______________________________________________________________

PS-

I got in test scores galore:

SATs:

Mathematics: 600
Reading:    610
Writing:           660
       Essay:    12/12

Yep. A perfect score on the essay! Can you believe it ? I am still in a little bit of shock, but it's true! And an 1870 isn't too shabby either!

As for TAKS scores (the State standardized testing of Texas that are needed to be passed in order to graduate high school), I got commended performance in Social Studies, Science, English, and Math.

Hope you liked!
xoxo

Sariya

"Something More" recorded Live

2007-11-03T06:00:31Z

Listen to LIVE performance of "Something More"

From:
Slamarillo, October Poetry Slam, Round One
October 27, 2007
Amarillo Repertory Theatre
Amarillo, TX

Recorded by IlliterateRainbow.com 's S. Steven Struble.

Slam Poetry Calendar, 2007. Be There!

2007-09-24T22:47:05Z

Update:
All of these shows were sick! Amazing. The guests were all so talented.
Thanks to all who attended and a special thanks to the Features! Slamarillo would not be the same without you guys Your performances and poetry inspire the poets to keep doin' what we do!
xoxo

(September slam, featuring me and three others in an ART SHOW.)

"Solomon Sparrow Electric Whale Revival:" Anis Mojgani, Buddy Wakefield, Dan Leamen, Derrick Brown, Mike McGee, All 5 poets will be performing! Go to the first link for more info! Be there!

[Me with poet Future at the slam]

New Poem: "Something More"

2007-09-11T02:47:44Z

I am really loving this one. Tell me what you think!

Something More
(aka: "Apathy Endures")

By: Sariya Dhemitriya September 10, 2007

I used to love you!
And sometimes I wish I still did
because it gave me something to look up to
the prospect of one day being
a part of you
And you, a part of me
and me being a part of something more
no longer apart from something sure.
Yes, apathy endures.
It may keep longer
but I've found that action is stronger
but implausibilities precede that possibility
so I might just stick with ambivalency.
Ambivalence is the undersigning line at the foot of my bed
and my diary pages
crying out its anthem for ages
sometimes I wonder if it's possible for me to know something more
Yes, Apathy endures.
But I refuse to no longer care
Whether you are here or there
with her or me.
Pick one for yourself, choice A, B, or C
It's not my place to choose
And I wash my hands of you
as you wish you could with me.
But I refuse to be unsure
I know where I stand
and I know where you stand,
you fear leaving your safe perch on the fence
content with the philosophy that it is age that makes a man.
We rely too much on our words to translate our
untranslatable states.
We need something more
But, my words refuse to be pure
like truth
in the face of a bad liar
I jumped in the fire
but you won't follow
When will you learn?
You can never feel the fire's passion if you always fear the burn
I jumped in, said I'd catch you, and held my arms out,
but instead your soul projected poetical doubt
We rely too much on words
we need something more
Start with a clean slate
close you mouth, open your eyes and write
"I am not afraid"
We need something more
we need something more
we need faith.

Homecoming and Haikus

2007-08-22T16:42:47Z

To balance the personal, non-writing related portion of this post, I will include some new Haikus below!

I recently registered for my Junior (and final) year in high school. This is called relief in its purest form. So, I am taking my Junior and Senior classes together, and I still have leftover empty class slots.
I will be taking:

English III-AP
(online) English IV
US History-AP
US Government (1 semester)
Physics
Psychology (1 semester)
Sociology (1 semester)
Technology Systems
(online) (second semester) Art Appreciation
(and the second semester of) Integrated Physics and Chemistry

I intend to take the PE-IA credit-by-exam, so I don't have to sit through it.

I would consider the second semester of Choir as an elective instead of Art Appreciation, however, the teacher dislikes me, to say the least, but I would like to sing at my own graduation. (In about 9 months!)

I know I don't put a lot of non-writing related stuff on here, but I figured it was somehow pertinent. :)

AND NOW!
The Haikus:

(For those who don't know, a Haiku is Japanese poetry in 3 lines and 17 syllables in this order: 5-7-5 syllables.)

Your age and face can
not change the fact that you are
a boy in man's clothes

I know better; that
is not commitment crying
from your pores, but sweat.

I have the courage
but need the willingness to
ask for help someday.

Before you, my life
had no meaning. But now I
feel I am dreaming.

After you, thoughts of
love as unattainable
fairy tales... proved false.

Thanks! Love you all!
Sariya
PS- if you want me to write a personal Haiku for/about you, I will, just comment below!

WELCOME HOME TEAM AMARILLO!

2007-08-13T05:06:05Z

Yes, that's right, National Poetry Slam 2007 has ended, and so our own slam team has returned to us! Hurray! Well, I am planning a party for them, with the help of a friend, JC, and we are just organizing a little get together to celebrate them and Slamarillo and its accomplishments. (Will post pics after the party on Sunday!)
So, the team (first time at nationals, first Amarillo slam team ever, and slam poetry only being here for 2 years) ranked 58 in the nation! They beat 1/3 of the nation's teams on their first visit! Congratulations, guys... I'm so proud and happy about this! :P

In honor of the slam team's arrival, I would like to post some of my favorite videos of performance poetry. So, below, under the link, is a group of videos for your poetic enjoyment!
poems may ... and probably will ... contain the following: adult humor, situations, and language. Language being the most predominant.

RIVES-'VOICE'

RAFAEL CASAL-'BARBIE AND KEN 101'

THEA MONYEE-'WOMAN TO WOMAN'

POLITICS

LISA ARNOLD-'I'M NOT ANTI-FEMINIST'

STEVEN CONNELL-'MISSION ACCOMPLISHED'

STEVE CONNELL AND SEKOU THA MISFIT -'AMERICA CALLS'

STEVE CONNELL-'I AM AN AMERICAN'

ANDREA GIBSON-'FOR ELI'

For more of my faves... go here: http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=7F2ECCBD4A53B3D4

Hope you enjoy!!
S.

Famecast Voting: Save Lives with Your Online VOTE

2007-08-13T04:54:08Z

update: Hi everyone, Sariya here. Today I got on Famecast.com and learned that, though Corbet was a top 5-er, he did not win. However, this is a big accomplishment, so if anyone would go to his website (www.corbetdean.com) and congratulate him for his fantastic job and effort in this competition.
Props to the winner, poet, 'Da Boogie Man'.
And to Corbet, 'we love you!' and 'congratulations!'

Hi everyone. This is a mission posting. If five minutes of your time and a simple online vote could give THOUSANDS of dollars to a violence shelter... would you vote? Well, I did.
Please read the posting below, written, not by me, but by friend and poet, Corbet Dean (http://myspace.com/corbetdean or http://corbetdean.com). He is in the TOP 5 in the online talent competition called FameCast (www.famecast.com). Please, read his statement below. He is an amazing poet and DESERVES to win.
Follow his instructions below for entering. You can comment me for voting help, too.
go to www.famecast.com, Register with the website (there is NO spam, I promise, they just need a valid email to verify the voter!), then click on "stage 9", click on "Corbet Dean" and click "Vote for this artist" (or something similar in the middle, under the video of his poem).

Anyway, I really want to see this guy win this! So Vote! What have you got to lose? And more importantly, what has a shelter to gain from you vote? :)

Hello again, friend! Several years ago, my life was changed by a little girl who endured unspeakable violence. Recently, I wrote a poem about Odessa & entered that film in a global, online contest at FameCast.com. Last week, I was announced as a "Top 5 Finalist," and had the opportunity to perform a live show in Texas for FameCast. The voting process for Finals has now begun! If I win, $5,000 will go directly to the De Colores violence shelter that serves the area where Odessa lived. For an overview of the project, <a href="http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3LmtwaG8uY29tL3ZpZGVvLzEzNTQxMTgyL2RldGFpbC5odG1s">CLICK HERE 2 SEE CBS NEWS REPORT ON THE EFFORT.</a> This project is not about asking others for money: rather, I simply need your online vote! PLEASE CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE PERFORMANCE & <a href="http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3LmZhbWVjYXN0LmNvbS9jb250ZXN0L3dlYmNhc3QucGhwP3N0YWdlX2lkPTE1JnJvdW5kX2lkPTY0">CAST YOUR VOTE FOR CORBET DEAN!</a> In short, this is a group project designed to help the community we all share. I can't do this alone. However, I know that TOGETHER WE CAN ABSOLUTELY MAKE THIS HAPPEN! Thanks, corbet dean (602) 499-2257 P.S. If you're new to FameCast.com, you need to fill out a "fan registration" page. No spam, no games. FameCast simply needs votes to come from a valid email, so they'll send a "Welcome to FameCast" note (look in junk mail). YOU MUST CLICK A LINK IN THAT MESSAGE to route back to cast your first FameCast vote! It's really very easy. CALL ME ANYTIME, 24/7 if you have ANY problems voting. I'd be happy to walk you through the process. P.S.S PLEASE FORWARD THIS TO EVERYONE IN YOUR WORLD! VOTING ENDS THIS FRIDAY! TIME IS SHORT, SO LET'S WORK TO BRING THIS HOME FOR THOSE WHO NEED IT MOST!

Remember, Voting ends SOON!

Thanks for voting, guys! It means a lot!
Love you all,
Sariya

New Poem: "Phoenix from Ashes"

2007-08-07T05:07:49Z

Hi! Enjoy the new poem. Feel free to comment.

PHOENIX FROM ASHES

Oh, there are times when I could cry,
just feel the fire upon my flesh and face the wrong
the flames dance upon the tips of the hairs on my skin
in synchronized soliloqeys echoing the tonnage
contained within the wilting walls of confessionals covering the world.
The conflagration chars and the inferno scars this skin I was unwillingly put in
in this life, unwillingly put upon, but keep looking on,
looking forward would be easier if there was something to look toward, so
I tried looking up, but felt looked over
just come and look closer, and you, too, will see that there is no looking back.
and now the skin once ivory is black.
the flames flicker out
were I whole I would shout
but no. Lo! silence.
Maybe that which ravaged retained a reciprocal, benevolent aim
for, though my ashen wounded flesh is marred, I now feel no pain.

Also, best of luck to poetry TEAM AMARILLO on going to Nationals this week. I know you'll all do great!

Sariya.

wins and losses and beginnings

2007-07-22T03:44:12Z

It has been a while since my last post, and in that period of time, a lot has occured.
First. I want to bid my goodbyes to a good friend and wonderful author, Ronda Thompson. Ronda was a wonderful person as a whole, a humerous person, and a gift to all those around her. I regret all the times I never emailed her when I wanted to, or had lunch to discuss writing among her and friends when I had the inclination. But hindsight's 20/20, right? And it is too late for futile regrets!
All I know is that I miss her very much and I know that her fans around the world will be mourning her and her unfinished series. I give my condolences to her kind family.
Ronda died shortly after a cancer diagnoses, too young.

But she wouldn't want me to bring your mood down! So I will go onto other news. Today, after the PPW meeting, there was an awards contest for the FiW youth contest. I won first place high school poetry with Sonnet of Raven, and first and second place in high school short story with Memorable and Awake at Three AM. I received three trophies for my efforts. It was a great feeling, for I have never won a trophy before.

Also, just as exciting as that is my new job. Yes, I am now a professional journalist! I am the travel journalist for an up and coming website. I love the fact that I am getting paid for my work.

We all have to start somewhere!

Sariya D.

'Oasis', a poem

2007-07-06T04:42:01Z

You will probably enjoy this poem if you are one of those people that like poems that are, in themselves, a metaphor. And, atop that, a metaphor for a hundred different things.

Enjoy!

OASIS

I had a dream,
that I found myself wandering
in a desert of a place
I was myself
without name
without face
without race
Without the mortal ties
with which we tether
ourselves
and there were no lives
only entities
no bodies or beings
just breath.
Without lungs with which
to take it in
but the breath I feel
is the only thing tangible and real
And I wander.
And I wander 'cross this desert
I have no gut, yet I hunger
I have no lips, yet I thirst
And, from which desires to flow
I have no brain, yet I still yearn
And there is no physical pain
but physical is never the worst.
And I'm dying.
I can feel it
from my insides that are my outsides
And nothing is any longer hidden
And I see a border
And across that barracade
is an oasis
but the spring is forbidden
But I run on the memory of legs I once wore
and I stare with the memory of eyes I once adorned
and my body pulses with the memory of the blood I once bore
And I am close.
I am close
and from the pool
I can feel the mist
of sweet water on the memory of my lips
I taste it. And I need more.
I pump my legs
I see, I bleed
I feel with the memory of skin I once tore
But no, it is no longer a memory.
My flesh forms around my hollow figure
lined with crimson life courses through veins
And I no longer sense, but I can see
with eyes stinging from dust and sun and tears
and legs running, piercing with pain
but faster, faster
And I pick up my feet
and I begin to fly
to soar toward that oasis
the air my new lungs breathe, no longer dirty and dry
but full of moisture and life
and life
the barracade of black curls around me
encircles me in a suffocating, hating boundary
closing in.
So I push myself
harder
farther
faster
and I fly and I fly
And my mouth forms
and opens wide
And I surpass
the black mass
and I tumble to the sand
damp with the troth of the promised land
and my lips part at the pouring of water
splashing on my face
washing my flesh clean
and open my eyes
and think
to speak
and I instantly awaken
from what was never a dream

7/5/2007

New poem for all you politics junkies!

2007-06-20T04:25:05Z

I am

Bored,
Frustrated,
too realistic,
annoyed,
aching,
and obviously....
Pessimistic!
(In case you hadn't noticed)
You don't even need to know me to know it
I guess I just openly show it
I guess I don't hide
Just flaunt in my pride
Pride for the strength
That I must have to be me
to openly say what I think
and protest what I see
Because I see things that disturb me
scare me, perturb me,
like wars paid for with lives
initiated by lies
and funded by men who won't say 'no' because of too much pride
they think it's loyalty to stick with a popular side and a popular choice
but forget loyalty to yourself when you silence your voice
To be outspoken is to be a dissident
but I'd rather be that when
To be an American is to agree without common sense.
To be heard is to be a heretic
To be honest is to be a cynic
and that word has become synonymous with 'realist'
so what does that say about our world?
But as long as you can salute to that
flag unfurled
Everything is fine,
Make sure that border's an impenetrable line
With all the issues that threaten, why are we wasting our time
with hindering humans from returning to land that was once theirs?
but white must be right, forget foreign affairs
Darfur means nothing to us
when we are more concerned with which politician can we trust
but it doesn't matter when we base our votes on
commercials and scandals,
'cause being president has anything much to do with lust?
Let's vote for the pretty face for this place,
On that token, Satan can rule the American race,
praising Jesus as his homeboy to get your votes,
when he's just the
pied piper
playing the
right fucking notes
to get you hooked
get you booked
into his game
and his lies
then Vietnam all over again,
we're paying our ignorance's price with innocent lives
Racist,
they play this
card over and over again
'he had brown skin
he must be that terrorist's friend'
when skin is the issue
nothing can ring true
except the shame that we voted for you
But you'll never hear me say 'I voted for him too'
not me,
I never fell for the wolf wearing the sheep
and I am only human, just like you,
so, you too could have seen past the ruse
but you threw away free thought
without a qualm or a fight
Just like you're giving away your god-given American rights!
But civil rights are trivial
in the eyes of those driven by the material
and it's serial numbers that
rule your world
when it should be the love for your little boy or girl
or the sound of the rain falling
birds calling
the warmth of the sun on your face
or the idea of one day living in a world that is a better fucking place
And you chase
money and things
when you should be following
intuitions and dreams
intellect and wings
banning
inhibitions and kings.
Because
contrary to what we see,
life
is not
a playground for beasts
but
the feeling of rising above them
on your own written wings.

June 19, 2007

FiW 2007

2007-06-10T05:02:19Z

Well, today ends the Frontiers in Writing Conference '07. There was an amazing set of guest, such as Keynote Speaker Barry Eisler [picture below] (author of the John Rain series, one of which debuted at #19 on the NYT best seller list). Others included Luncheon Speaker Jodi Thomas (RWA Hall of Fame author, 2 dozen+ romance books), Britta Coleman (friend and author of Potter Springs), Hilary Sares (Kensington Editor), Andrea Brown (Andrea Brown Literary Agency), Linda Rohrbough (Nonfiction and fiction author), Solana d'Lament (poet), Terry Whalin (Non fiction; articles in more than 50 magazines), and Melanie Rigney (former editor of Writer's Digest).

Wow! What a talented group!

Friday

7:30-8:00 Registration. So I show up early in the morning, got settled a little, then I was off to work. I volunteered to handle the name tents (like place cards for the faculty). I set them up in the banquet room for the panel. I went to the atrium to talk with people. I joined a table with Melanie Rigney, Lissa Merriman, and Katy Britten (mentioned in the FiW Memoir from 2006) and others.

8:10-9:20 Conference opening and panel discussion. This is where the group of aforementioned faculty takes questions from the conference-goers and each answers them with their own opinion/experience. It is a good chance to get to know the faculty. Afterward I took up the nametents and placed them in the bar area of the atrium for the one-on-one appointments.

9:40-10:40 In lieu of going to a workshop, after the discussion, I immediately reported for duty volunteering at the registration/information desk. It was very busy at first; We directed people to their workshop rooms and critique sessions and signed up unregistered people. But after about ten or so minutes, it calmed down and allowed for an hour of relaxation and conversation. A while later, the bookstore opened, so I took a little break from the desk to go there and give them the copies of my book. I dropped off my poetry chapbooks and returned to the info desk.

10:50-11:50 "Creative Writing—Poetry and Fiction"—Solana DeLamant. This was a very interesting class. It was mostly discussion of the rhythm of poetry and the "sensualness" of it, and using the two least-written senses in your poetry: hearing and motion.

12:00-1:20 LUNCH. I did not stick around to find a little group with whom to go to lunch. I gathered my things and walked next door to the hotel to a pizza place. I ordered a basket of wings and a tea. I bet I looked a little out of place eating buffalo wings in a pizza hut with all my business gear on. Unfortunately, I did not enjoy lunch much (I have been spoiled with Chili's wings all my life) but regardless, it was a good opportunity to gather my thoughts and notes and get ready for the next round!

1:30-2:30 "Making Characters Come Alive…"—Jodi Thomas. Jodi has to be one of the best speakers I have ever heard. She is so nice, too! Hers was about the little idiosyncracies that make a character real. She really offered some insight! It was a little interactive, which always brings me in!

2:40-3:40 "Creative Writing—Experienced Writers"—Solana DeLamant. Again, discussion by Solana about poetry, metaphors, etc. In this workshop she expressed her disdain for slam poetry. I respect others' opinions, but I did not appreciate that at all.

3:50-4:50 "Creative Corner"—Melanie Rigney. This was probably my favorite class. Melanie made the whole thing interactive, which, as you know, I LOVE! It is interesting because I almost did not go to her class. I had it scheduled for the first session, but I decided to volunteer at the info desk instead. I did not know what 'creative corner' was about, so I did not know if I would benefit from it, but something in me, for some unknown reason, chose to rearrange the rest of my schedule so that I could go to it. I consider it intuitive-subconscious intervention. Well, I went and adored it. Her tasks let us really be, well, creative! Who knew? Also, in this class, I met a woman named Francey from Fort Worth. She is very nice and has lead an interesting life, of which contributes to her nonfiction writing.

5:00-5:30 Volunteer—Registration Desk. Again. I admit, since no one needed us there, I took off for a bit and checked out the bookstore. I took a look over at my books and... Lo! and Behold!... some had been purchased. I was ecstatic!!! I purchased a copy of Barry Eisler's book "Hard Rain" for him to sign since he would not be there for the book signing as his book tour forced him to leave a little early.

5:30-7:30 Mixer. So I headed down to the bar, and ran into Barry Eisler. I joined in on his conversation...mostly about books, his book tour, marketing... etc. It was fascinating. After that, he signed my book, and went to mingle with others. (It was funny; he was appaled at my age!)
During this time, I was supposed to be setting up the banquet hall for the banquet dinner and Barry's speech, however the name tents sort of... disappeared! So for an hour and a half I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to find them. I improvised with sticky notes...only to them turn up later...

7:30-9:30 BANQUET and Keynote Address by Barry Eisler. [Dinner was a delicious salad, a sauteed chicken breast topped with a delectable picotta sauce (thick cream, lemon and mushroom) and desert was an apple crepe with an interesting sauce topping.]
Wow... what can I say about this guy's speaking skills but... wow! It was such a wonderful keynote address!
With the completion of dinner, so ended the first day of the conference. I stuck around to help clean the tables' decorations. Then, for the next hour and a half, I hung around in the hotel bar, reading. After a while, I saw about six fello writers sitting around a table for four, talking, drinking, laughing... (Two of whom were Lissa Merriman and Travis Erwin) I joined them. The discussion was hilarious. It ranks one of the top memories of the conf. So, after a while of that, I got my ride, went out to eat (at around 12:30 am!) and went home to sleep!

Even before the conference could begin, I was put to work! (Oh, those slave drivers!!) Teehee. So I put the name tents out in the appointement area of the atrium, always keeping an eye on them to prevent the a repeat of the little disappearing act of the day before!
I got to get acquainted with writer Lacy Langley, who, coincidentally, lives just blocks from me!

8:20-9:20 "The Fundamentals of Writing"—Barry Eisler. A class lead by the keynote speaker himself. Can it get any better than this?

9:30-10:30 "How to Turn a Fascination with People into Books and Magazine Articles"—Terry Whalin. This was more intended toward nonfiction writers, but I still got some out of it. I learned some great interview tips!

10:40-11:40 "Writing Breakout Fiction"—Britta Coleman. Britta has spoken at a PPW meeting before, so it was nice to see her again. Her workshop was self explanitory. It was very informative and nice.

11:40-12:00 Visit Bookstore. I dealt some more with the name tents from hell... oops, did I just say that aloud? Then I shopped around the store and took a little breather from all the hectic conference business. At this time, Barry left. I said good bye, and took the photo below. He told me, bless his heart, that it was nice to see that I was starting so young with my enthusiasm and dedication. It makes me feel so good that he said that. It means a lot coming from him.

12:00-1:00 LUNCHEON and Jodi Thomas: "Setting Fire to your Talent". [Lunch was catering from a local, and yummy, Barbeque restaraunt!]
Again, may I reiterate Jodi Thomas's speaking talent? The speech was about writing in general and mostly about her experiences becoming a writer.
On the way to my class, after the luncheon, I caught up with Andrea Brown and asked her if her agency takes on my novel's genre. She said yes many times over and invited me to query. That was nice.

1:10-2:10 "How to Pitch to Editor or Agent"—Linda Rohrbough. This was an interesting one. There were some activities on writing log lines... at which... apparently ...I suck, and some great tips for pitching successfully. Am I the only one who sees the irony in this being the last time slot for the conference... and it is about how to pitch? Shouldn't that be first?

2:20-3:00 BOOK SIGNING. Yes, folks, the moment I have been waiting for since I was about four... My first book signing!!! I signed about six or so books. I was so thrilled. It affirmed my belief that I can be a successful writer and that people like my writing! I even got an order for my new version of the book! My mother brought my little brother (Joshua, 6) up to see me. It was so cute to see him in little nice plaid shorts and a bright green collared shirt. Heehee. Apparently, they had stopped by a store and Joshua had picked out a rose in a vase for me. Aw! So that way, my mother explained, my signing table would be the most beautiful and unique. It was so sweet!

RIght after the signing, in the same room, there were the contest awards. My novel did not place, to be honest. But I think it was because it was paranormal thriller/mystery in just a thriller/mystery category. Too bad, so sad! A number of people I know received awards for their writing, and it made me very happy.

So after two greuling, funny, insightful, educational, memorable days... the conference was over. I stayed after to pass out contest results at the info desk and help take everything down. After all that was done, I joined some people on the couches in the lobby to talk. One of the people was Hilary Sares. Last year I submitted to her upon request and had not heard from her; I asked her about this. She said she had set mine aside. I told her that the plot was basically the same, but I had rewritten and it was much better now, tighter plot, and more character motivation. She told me to send the updated version to her. Hurray! We all spoke for about an hour and then Hilary left to get ready for dinner that night. I ended up talking one on one with Travis Erwin about his books and trying to get published. Boy, I know that story all too well.

Over all, it was a wonderful conference, I met some amazing people, made friends, made connections, made memories!
Thanks FiW!!!

Saturday

Me with Keynote Speaker, author Barry Eisler. (Yes... I know the wall decor above my head looks like a crown... You hush.)